heyz. eh i m feeling much better now so u guys dun ve to wait till 2359 to start to irritate me. hahh. juz kidding. anyways, can only say thank you to the dance lesson that i had, gy, clare, yvonne, pk and her production for brightening up my day and night. was reallie pissed and tired yesterday. they reallie made me forget my troubles for the time i am with them so ya.

ll be going to bintan tmr with all the ord personnel. yeah! cant wait. this trip ll be till wed so unless u guys have anything urgent pls dun call me la huh? hahaa. thks.

hope i have a pleasant trip ahead.

Joke of the day: (shld be yesterday la) i was having dinner with clare, von and her fren. and i was the last to finish. din want to finish the last piece of meat cos i was full le. then von and clare asked me to eat up that piece but i said,

"i dun like breast, oh no i mean chicken breast"

this led to von and her fren laughed like nobody business and clare wanted to look like i am of no acquaintance of his. hahhaaha.

heavenknows

7:33 PM

Pissed and irritated! Pls dun irritate me until tmr 2359. Thanks!

heavenknows

12:00 AM

Went to the airport yesterday to send Melvin off. he is in Australia now, studying at Melbourne University. anyway, hope that Melvin will settle down quickly. knowing his capabilities, i am sure he ll confirm, guarantee plus chop do well de.

make me ponder what will the feelings be of going to the departure gate in September bidding farewell to beloved ones and yet realising that i am not going for a short getaway but a long but tedious journey. reallie grateful that so many people are accompanying to Imperial and i know quite a number of people there too. haha.

My objective from now to September will be to enjoy every moment here, from time spent with frenz and the local food here. cant imagine me eating potatoes, fish n chips etc for all my meals. haiz.

heavenknows

10:57 PM

坐在窗边看夜景 等着黎明的来临
夜空布满了星星 仿佛点燃着你的名
曾经拥有的回忆 是否会像颗流星

光芒绚丽 划过天际
消失后毫无痕迹

起初只是朋友而已 这个故事谁不熟悉
美丽的结局我不敢肯定 等待你的回应
以后是否能再继续

起初只是朋友
这份感情若带给你恐惧 我宁愿隐藏在心底

在这一夜 我没有睡
一直后悔为何要把自己说清
万一 只是万一 我就会一瞬间 完全失去你

this song is sung by the newcomer Kaira. very nice song.
was moved by it cos it is reallie touching.

heavenknows

11:35 PM

So happie!

juz went to make my new specs and contact lens. finally after SO LONG... haha. went to the shop we always go. feel reallie shiok and happy. cos i like my spes a lot. like duh rite, since i shld only buy it when i like it. hahaha. anyway, my astigmatism has increased and this has always been the contributing factor to the price of my specs. haiz.

my lens of my specs has to be made from japan and according to him cannot be found locally. hmmm... haiz. lens itself cost $150. well, a new look ll surface in 2 weeks time ba since my contact lens can only be ready in 2 weeks time. dun want to go there again and again.

total cost = $465. wa, damn ex lo. but i dun mind spending it la since i reallie like them, i shld believe so.

however, here comes the best thing that happens, my dad sponsoring me and paying for me $300! hahahha. yeah!

heavenknows

9:32 PM

duane, thank u for the brownies. very nice. haha. next time bake more la, k? haha.

has been clearing leave since erm.. 2 weeks ago? anyway, sometimes the excitement in camp and the noisy atmosphere of the camp ( esp my platoon!) are really highlights that i ll miss. like u ll not know when some1 will pms and start scolding us. or suddenly, we have to go for some training or some sort. even better, we ll guess every morning how many ugly commanders are not coming to camp. hahha.

staying at home is so different. boring. tired. draining. other than going out whenever i am at home i ll feel suffocated. dun get me wrong, i love my family. but sometimes i juz dun feel appreciated. maybe going to london is a good thing after all. like today, for example my dad and younger brother have stepped on my toes. and i am super pissed. my dad, being himself, ll always have uneasy feeling whenever i am free and ask me to do sai kang. never mind all these. i have never blamed him or anything. but juz now as i was watching tv, my dad went down to wash his car. and when he came up, he scolded me for not volunteering to help him to wash his car. and he caan further say that, "show very nice to watch meh?" like hello? i m free so i can watch! and he said that i am not independent. hullo? this has nothing to do with independence or anything lo. in his eyes, i am juz this imperfect guy who nids his parents. yes, i do need them but i am not totally relying on them lor. majiam say until i am a useless piece of shit.

and i am tasked to help my brother cos it is his Os this year. i gracefully accepted it. BUT sometimes he juz dun care me. take today for example, he can sleep the whole day and eat dinner then start revision at 9 after my raving and shouting at him. i feel so drained and tired.

really tired. i dun need the credits or anything but all i ask for is world peace ( i mean at home) and be viewed as someone and not a machine or a dog. i know i may sound harsh. i know my dad cares for me too but it is juz the action that irritates me. haiz.

anyway, started to hit the books. muz revise my maths and physics before going to uni or else i ll confirm die de. and being a smart alec, i started reading a portion of physics which wasnt in the A level syllabus. it seemed to sink into my head but after awhile, i dun seem to understand at all. ahhahahhaha. hmmm.....

only 3 words........ I HATE PHYSICS.

haha. should have taken pure maths in uni lo. hopefully, physics ll seduce me and get me turn on by september, if not i ll juz remain impotent and so will my results. hahahah

heavenknows

10:24 PM

got to know of this theory from yvonne's blog. it is about people and categorising their friends on different rungs of the ladders. dun really noe whether to agree to what extent for the gals' part but i am so appalled by the ladder theory of the guys.

1stly, 1st law of the theory states that gals have 2 different ladders. Potential and friends. when gals meet guys for the 1st time, they are automatically categorised. when 1 is in the potential one, well, he has a chance to hook up this gal but if he is in the friends ladder. it ll be safer n better to stay as frenz. if he tries to get his leg on the other ladder. there are 2 possibilities:
1. good for him, he has promoted! but if the relationship does not turn up well, he will be banished totally and not even in the FRENZ ladder.
2. for the sake of the guy, he is warned and hinted that he is and never will be in the POTENTIAL ladder. he is asked to wake up his idea before he is banished from the ladder too. hahha..

hmm.. interesting rite?

ANYWAY, more interesting part follows, cos 2nd law of the theory states that for the guy's ladder is the amount of desire of wanting to have sex of that person. if the gal is SO, SO hot, then she will be high up of the ladder. ugly and fat girls will be clinging onto the lower rungs of the ladder waiting to be kicked out.

HELLOZ? if that is the case, i reallie pity fiona xie lehz. cos she is like in the top rung of so many ladders of us guys. y is there a stereotype that guys = sex. we are human beings and i believe that majority view gals as human beings and soulmates and not sex toys. if that is the case, dont barbie dolls save all trouble?

am i being too idealistic again? well, i noe that for some guys, they are hooked up cos the girls put them in the POTENTIAL ladder 1st. or they think that the particular gals are easy targets to be their girlfriends. i am not condemning all these, dun get me wrong. some couples live happily ever after but i still await for my perfect romance and the situation will not be as the above. u all may laugh at me, true! maybe all i need is a heartbreaking romance for me to move on and learn from ba. and maybe from then, all my ideals will be vanished into thin air. haha.

have i digressed? hahah. anyway, ya gals are respected souls and the soceity in singapore is still more conservative. so, OUR LADDERS (majoroty i believe) has nothing to do with our raging hormones.

back to the gals' ladders. well, i am not sure but i can say that NO WONDER for many couples out there, when they are asked how do u noe ur bf/gf, they will say friend's fren. hahah. cos when they are introed by the middlemen, the guys are already categorised into POTENTIAL ladders, so sparks fly!

so is it true, gals? hahaha. anyway, then i pity all ugly, fat, not so desirable men out there ( including me) cos we would never score points in 1st impression let alone be in POTENTIAL ladders. hahahhaa.

juz kidding. dun sue me!

heavenknows

5:49 PM

just came back from hip hop dance lesson. damn shiok but tiring. today learnt all the stunts and i sweated like a cow. these steps i shld say are the essence of hip hop dancing.

thursday and friday were the days of my life man! started to go for facials. total of 6 hrs! and for the sake of vanity and the condition of my skin, i have been in pain for more than 4 hrs. i have lost tears as a result too. my consultant said that i were very brave but then again, still wished that i would have lost my sense of touch for just that 6 hrs. haiz.

when i came back home i am so swollen and my face was so red. I LOOKED LIKE A PUFFER FISH! seriously. haiz. at least today is much better. luckily. and here i am back at home, not ready to face the world.

(even my dad said i look fatter because of my swelling)

anyway, go to this site hor,

http://kevan.org/johari?name=dariustan

do properly ok? wont take more than half a min, i promise. hahahahhaa. there is no right or wrong answer. N PLS DUN LEAVE ANONYMOUS NAMES, unless u have a reason lo. thanks in advance. hahah.

heavenknows

3:26 PM

HAPPY 21ST BDAE,

CLARENCE

hope that u ll have a happie n fulfilled yr ahead k? think ur best prez now ll be getting admission into imperial lo. cant wait for u to recieve the letter too.

if u need anything from me, juz ask mi and i ll try my best la. :) other than drinking beer/wine for u. hahaa.

my face is in a horrible state now. went back to do facials. this time my mum's fren adn she super hard core now my whole face damn red. squeeze EVERYTHING on my face. every single pore. juz feel like staying at home for the next few days lo. hmmppkk... and damn painful oso lo. wa piangz.. and she even said that i can tolearte pain so she was squeezing until very song4. irritating. hahaha.

heavenknows

10:54 PM

today can be considered a double-edged sword. cos for some, they ll be elated as they may be celebrating today with their loved ones. others may be delighted cos today or the past few days have been good business for them be it flowers, jewllery, restaurants etc. etc.

however, this can be also the dreaded day for the other bunch of poor souls. some may be angry, sad, disappointed or even dunno how to feel. hahaha.

Valentine's day. today marks the 20th year where i dun celebrate this day. but dun get it wrong. i m not sad or anything. in fact, i dun noe how to feel and what to expect to feel. hahaa. well, i was in a monk's school for 10 years. hahahah. from pri sch to sec sch. hee.

anyway, the title is half-way mark cos it is e half-way mark to being a 40-year old virgin. sob. hahaha.

however, yea u all can say that i am always idealistic. but seriously, if u reallie love someone, well everyday can be a valentine's day, rite? hahhaha.

heavenknows

6:22 PM

went out juz now juz to watch that show. finally! went with yvonne, clare n zh.

have to say that i like the show a lot! hahaha. the jokes are so lame and so me! haha. remember there was 1 scene where this teacher asked, "zeng1 duo1 ? shao3". and he went on to expain that zeng1 meant monks. my immediate response was to say out ni2 ku1. and the answer that the student gave was reallie ni2 ku1! hahaha. den zh said that i m as lame as them la. hahhaaa.

anyway, to side track, why did mickey mouse die? (sharon asked me de)

ans: donald duck(ed)

lame rite? hahha but i like

liked the show. actually, this show is more educational for adults who have children to tell them the true hearts fo their children. but cant stand it when the gals behind me started arguing like who more shuai4, joshua or shawn? so noisy!

was reallie touched at some parts of the show. these scenes made me to start tearing. in order of the most amount of H2O in my eyes:

1. when jack neo started caning his younger child for stealing money. and this child actually said that he wanted to collect $500 to get his father to go watch his performance as his father is too busy and like he quote, he earns $500 an hr.
2. when jack neo knelt down and pleaded the old lady to tell the police that it was him and not his child who robbed her of her necklace.
3. when joshua's dad hit him after he got expelled from school.
4. the ending when the younger child said a long speech.

and stupid yvonne kept looking to see whether i got cry not. hahahah.

for those who din watch,

when was the last time you praised someone?

F.A.M.I.L.Y

father and mother i love you!

resources put at the wrong place will be rubbish and rubbish put at the correct place will be resources.

COOL MAN! the quotes.

whatever!

heavenknows

8:48 PM

1stly, luckily i wasn activated to go back today. anyway, dun think they ll activate today la. or else i cant go to clarence's bdae party or my extended family's dinner. hahaha.

aniwae, muz say that the CT councillors are the best man! hahaha. cos clare told us the party is from 1 -5. and by the time we meet and get ready, we reach his house at like close to 3 le. hahahha... clare, i noe u dun mind de la hor? hahaha.

we were late cos went to eastpoint to buy card for clare. best la! the shopping centre so happening until cannot find a gd card for him. in the end we bought a card meant for a 5 yr old. hahhaa. this is because we noe him fer 5 yrs le ma. haha. den went to popular to do something that i have never done before. maiden experience man! we brought the card in and used their pens to write on the card. so cheapo rite? hahahha. well, thats CT councillors for u.... hahah.

thank u clare for the food. n his cake had lots of cream. so what we did was to collate all e whip cream and wanted to throw onto his face but his mother came to the rescue n threw away the plate. but then we came up wif another plate. hahaha. and it was his sis, janicia who did the honours. well done, gal! hahah.

and i muz apologise to pk leh! she said that she would treat us for her bdae. and i act told her that i wont be in singapore. paiseh la. i tot ur bdae falls in the same month as ur zuzu and zu ren ma. srry la. but i din forget k? juz slipped out of my mind. hhahaa.

then went for dinner. outstanding man! went to a kopitiam which is Hong Kong Street. the food is not bad. n i ate a lot! hahah. feeling damn full even now. haha.

over dinner, my dad told me that he still have a free coupon to a night stay at Hyatt Hotel. and i told him immediately that i want my 21st bdae at the ballroom there then can stay there. hahhaa. but my dad told mi it was wishful thinking and i shld be in london. hmmmppphhh... dun care i m coming back! hahaha.

heavenknows

11:35 PM

it has struck me to write a new entry. dun get me wrong, this entry is not for targetting people. juz made we ponder and hence this entry.

have u come across friendster accounts or other means, where people say that they hate backstabbers, hypocrites and liars? well, i have. and i m puzzled. cos isn't everyone a backstabber, hypocrite or a liar in 1 way or another in any part of his life?

this is not an excuse for myself. but think about it. i lie to my parents sometimes. people backstab others to get they covet for. people two-time relationships. students encouraging others not to study when they themselves burn the midnight oil.

are the above scenarios familiar? so y do people still pointing fingers at one another when they themselves are too? i noe there are extreme cases but lets ignore them for this moment. we lie sometimes to prevent things from getting worse. etc. etc.

i remember in vjc when our batch is electing for student council. there was this guy in my faculty who was really nice. but he said something like he wasnt a hypocrite and a liar and he dared to say that he wasnt one at any point of his life. this incurred the wrath of my whole faculty and bombarded him with tons n tons of questions. i really pity him but thats life.

life is such a paradox.

heavenknows

7:21 PM

well, have to thank u for ur comment. and thanks for ur threat-cum-concern. appreciate it. i have to say that u seem to know this guy really well.

1stly, let me make it clear by saying that he did not cross my path and neither did i cross his. my feelings toward him is neutral. 2ndly, yes i can see that he had changed into a happier person once he ord-ed. (hu doesnt?)

however, what does making fences or changes have got to do with adding people u do not know on friendster? i mean, it is alright to meet up new people on friendster. but there is always a proper thing to do things. like leaving a comment, 'hey, realised that ur interests are similar to mine. realie like to know u more. can I?' or 'i like ur smile. can i be ur fren?' (that sounds a bit buaya! hahah) and not like juz asking the person to add u as a friend.

i guess i am protective of my brother. hu doesnt? and it is juz scary because i dun even tok to this guy much even from camp. i may sound harsh in my previous entry and i apologise for that. by the way, that was written in less than 2 min cos my outburst! hahhaa.

can only say wish this guy all the best but sometimes the things that he do really quite irritate people.

heavenknows

4:07 PM

Well, this may seem to be another bashing session but i have to!

k firstly, if u have been secretly reading my blog, good! carry on but please dun harrass me or my loved ones.

I know this guy from camp and he has ord-ed long long ago. he had some problems when he was in camp. however, i did not create any forms of feelings for this guy be it friends kind or hatred kind. i sort of pity him cos he was the target in the whole camp where he was made fun of and being scolded. sometimes, i have to say serve him right!

k, i have digressed. ever since this guy ord-ed, he has been looking up for people and i mean juz aquaintances and talk to them like they are very good frenz of his. gy could not stand this guy since dunno when and hs to change his blog add. well, for me i cant be bothered and he can carry on reading on my blog cos this is the only outlet for him to know more about it. thats it!

but the annoying thing is, he requested my bro to add him on friendster! WTH! do u know my bro at all????? he has not even met my bro before! do u noe the meaning of frienster? if u are gay, and u like my bro, i can only tell u sorry cos my bro is not 1!


i have been secretly reading 1 blog. not reallie secretly la, since internet blogs are meant for people to read. felt very funnie. cos most of the entries are about why this guy cant get a particular gal. i mean, i feel sad for this guy but do blogs juz revolve around romance? is all one's life juz about lost romance, one-sided affair, or the happy glory kind? well, if i were to noe this guy, would have knocked some sense into him. he realli sounded depressed! haiz.

haha.

heavenknows

10:09 AM

start of my clearance! yeah! at a loss of what to do. if i were to go out everyday, my money ll vapourise. if i dun, i ll juz waste my time at home. BUT this is better than staying at that lousy place. hee.

anyway, juz now went out to buy lunch. as i was walking to hougang mall, it started to rain. upon reaching hougang mrt station, it stopped raining. after i had bought my lunch, on my way home, it rained again. double drenched! what is the meaning of that man! plus when i got home, the rain stopped le. hmm... juz my day!

heavenknows

7:09 PM

TRUST

this 5-letter word is a very important word. cos it is needed in all kinds of relationships. be it a boyfren-galfren, father-son, mother-daughter, fren-fren etc. this is e essence of any relationship. feel that sometimes it is lacking in a few of such relationships. and it takes 2 hands to clap. reallie need to do something about it cos u people out there are my beloved and i duwan to lose u all cos of lack of trust.


aniwae, happie cos i m starting to clear le. hahaha. i m soon-to-be-free. mr pinkie is flying back to me soon. need to go to hunt for schools to relief teach and earn money. gonna spend a lot in e near future before i enter uni.

juz came back from zh hse. played mahjong. won again!!! hahha. a proof of my mahjong skills man! haha. aniwae, reallie cherish all mi frens out there. gonna miss u all when i gg to london. how? can i pack u all in DHL and send u all u london? hahaha.

yeah... haiz. going back to camp le. one of my last book-ins on a sunday nite! hee

tata!

heavenknows

9:26 PM

Story No.1

A powerful wizard, who wanted to destroy an entire kingdom, placed a magic potion in the well from which all the inhabitants draank. whoever drank that water would go mad.

the following morning, the whole population drank from the well and they all went mad, apart from the king and his family, who had a well set aside for them alone, which the magician had not managed to poison. the king was worried and tried to control the population... The policemen and the inspectors, however, had also drunk the poisoned water, and they thought the king's decision were absurb....

.. When the inhabitants of the kingdom...become convinced that the king had gone mad...they...called for his abdication.

in despair....the queen stopped him, saying,' let us go and drink from the communal well. then we will be the same as them'

...the king and queen drank the water of madness and immediately began talking nonsense. their subjects repented at once...the country continued to live in peace, although its inhabitants behaved very differently from those of its neighbours.

-extracted from VERONICA DECIDES TO DIE by PAULO COELHO-

Story No.2

....you see this thing I've got around my neck?'

'you mean your tie?'

'exactly. your answer is the logical, coherent answer an absolutely normal person would give: It's a tie! a lunatic, however, would say that what i have round my neck is a ridiculous, useless bit of coloured cloth tied in a very complicated way, which makes it harder to get air into your lungs and difficult to turn your neck...

...absolutely nothing. it is not evern purely decorative, since nowadays it's become a symbol of slavery, power, aloofness. the only function a tie serves is the sense of relief when you get hoome and take it off,you feelas if you've freed yourself from something, thought quite what you dont know.

...if i were to ask a madman and a normal person what this is, the sane person would say,'a tie'. it doesnt matter who's correct, what matters is who's right.'

-extracted from VERONICA DECIDES TO DIE by PAULO COELHO


After reading these 2 portions, are u as intrigued as me? basically, this book is about this girl who committed suicide but failed and was sent to a hospital for the insane. the author then further explored the reason as to why she wanted to die.

she was lonely, had sex with men, studied law, was a librarian. her life was mundane and she felt the world had lost her. but her prob started when she was young. cos she had a talent in piano and wanted to carve a career from there. but her parents forced her to take up law instead. she had lived a life for herself which led to her finding life meaningless. is this setting so similar to us? even tho this book's setting is in Brazil but it relects our society as well.

in this rat race, we do not care who's correct, what matters is who's right. it does not matter anymore what we perceive of the society but what the society percieve us to be. if we dare to challenge the society, then we are madmen or stupid.

due to globalisation, the whole world has drunk the water of madness. we are behaving so differently as compared to our ancestors. dun give me the crap that times have changed. haha. so what even if times change, so what if technology improves? do all these warrant us to have a survival-of-the-fittest competition?

the problem is we have to live with it. or else we will be like the king if he did not drink and being kicked out of the society.

remember in sec 2, my art teacher suddenly pointed a fan and asked the class what that is. we told him that it was a fan but he started to say,' who says that this is fan? cant i call it something else?' my teacher was weird hor? hahaha. but seriously, i guess he had proven a point. it is called a fan because the whole world calls it a fan. u r correct only if u say that it is a fan and nothing else.

the world rules us and not we rule the world.

heavenknows

8:36 AM